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According to futurist, inventor and all-around incredibly smart guy, Ray Kurzweil, human beings actually reorganize their frontal cortex as they pursue mastery over different skills. For example, a musician redesigns his or her brain by means of constant study, practice and performance. The same thing applies to a mathematician, carpenter and pole dancer. The brain is physically changed over time by activity and learning. This means we have direct influence and control over how our minds operate. This means we actually mold our perception of the world by the way we mold our brains. This means that over the last twenty-five years, I have reshaped my frontal lobe to do one thing, and one thing only -- write sitcoms. I can't tell you what a relief this knowledge is to me. To begin with, it single-handedly explains why I fail so consistently at other activities (golf, common courtesy and marriage come to mind). It also eases my fears about my disintegrating memory. Why would my brain waste precious neurons remembering where I put my glasses (on the top of my head), or the names of the camera crew (I think one guy is named John, or maybe Jamie or Nigel), when it's working overtime trying to structure a joke about a character masturbating like a meth-addled spider monkey? The answer is, it wouldn't. In other words, I have an advanced case of sitcom brain. On the plus side, I have been highly remunerated for my condition. The downside is that I am constitutionally incapable of ending any communication with a straight line.

Just can't do it.

Have to spin it somehow.

Even if it's cheap or makes no sense. God forbid there's no laugh at the end.


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1st Aired: 31 January 2013