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Primetime Capsule

Because TV shows can linger in syndication for many, many years, there's an excellent chance that as you are reading this, I will be busy decomposing in a Jewish cemetery. Needless to say, I hope that's not the case, and I have made the following four-part plan to avoid it. Step one: maintain a sensible diet, get plenty of rest and exercise, avoid actor-induced stress. Step two: use all my financial resources to purchase replacement body parts as soon as the originals begin to sputter. Step three: continue to swap out organs until the arrival of the Singularity, whereupon I will discard my Bondo body and upload my psyche into the cloud. Step four: be a mischievous cyber-ghost who zooms around the internet until technology allows me to download myself into a robot body with working genitals, tastebuds, guitar chops, x-ray vision and the ability to fly, live under water and in outer space. At which point, having made myself essentially immortal and indestructible, I will spend eternity exploring the universe and playing with my titanium penis.

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1st Aired: 14 March 2013