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CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #437

Confession. Outside of a small cadre of friends, family and coworkers, I have become hopelessly incapable of remembering people's names. I don't know if it's due to stress, exhaustion, age or an extra-terrestrial parasite devouring my frontal lobe, but I am fighting a losing battle to retain names. I've tried and failed to overcome this using mnemonic devices. (Most memorably when I played golf with a man named Cooney. In order to remember his unusual name I mentally associated it with George Clooney. As we teed off, I repeated quietly in my head, "Clooney, Cooney. Clooney, Cooney." I was feeling pretty good about my efforts until the sixth hole when Cooney asked me why I kept calling him George.) Another aspect of my retention dysfunction comes when I'm being introduced to someone. I literally black out while the person's name is announced. (My solution for this is to feign hearing loss, which seems less embarrassing than admitting to temporary unconsciousness.) To make matters worse, I'm constantly worrying that people who greet me by name will think I'm being rude or dismissive when my best response is a feeble, "Hey, man", or the ever meaningless, "Hey, how ya' doin'?" It's gotten to the point where I'm truly frightened by my befuddlement. Which is why I'd like to propose a simple solution. When you see me, point to your head and say your name over and over again. If, when next we meet, I greet you with, "Hey, good to see ya!", repeat the process. Or consider wearing a name tag.

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1st Aired: 2 Jan 2014

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