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CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #448

I've been known to throw my hat in the ring when different high profile jobs become available (I'm easily bored and also the proud owner of a hat). A few weeks ago I dipped a toe into the race for Sheriff of Los Angeles, as well as an open seat in the U.S. Congress. Unfortunately, there was no groundswell of support for either position so I gracefully moved on. But now a real golden opportunity has emerged: President of ABC-Disney TV. Now that's a gig I could kick ass on. Mr. Iger, you and I have known each other a long time. Going back to those halcyon days on "Roseanne" when we'd drive to work singing the theme song from the film version of "MASH." (Bob knows what I mean. Everyone else can look it up - then look up "halcyon.") You know I'll give it my all. I already have a great idea for an ABC series. A real ground-breaking dramedy. It's called "Chastity Jones" and tells the story of a beautiful woman who, after being burned in relationship after relationship, decides never to have sex again. And I mean never. Which of course makes her wildly attractive to men who pursue her doggedly. And I mean doggedly. Regardless, she stays true to her vow. As the series progresses, every aspect of her life improves while all her friends who are out there, ankles up, banging away, suffer endless heartache. Honestly, I think it's the kind of show that could start a trend. Heck, with a little luck a deadly new STD will arrive from Africa and we'll be ahead of the curve! Alternative title: "The Last Orgasm." But we have to move quick here. I'm also trying for El Chapo's old job as el presidente of the Sinaloa Cartel. I've pitched them some great ideas about tunnels, mules and product placement. How much would sales go up if we could convince a few actors and musicians to endorse drugs? Huh? Huh? Outside the box, baby!

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1st Aired: 17 Mar 2014

www.chucklorre.com
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